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APPENDICES
II.öThe fifth chapter of Vincent's Young Gallant's Academy,
1674, corresponding to the sixth of The Gull's Hornbook.
CHAP. V
Instructions for a young Gallant how to be have himself in the
Play-house.
The Theatre is your Poets Royal Exchange, upon which their Muses (that
are now turned to Merchants) meeting, barter away that light Commodity of words,
for a lighter ware than words, Plaudities, and the breath of the great Beast,
which (like the threatnings of two Cowards) vanish into Air.
The Play-house is free for entertainment, allowing Room as well to the Farmers
Son as to a Templer; yet it is not fit that he whom the most Taylors bills
make room for when he comes, should be basely, like a Viol, cased up in a corner:
Therefore, I say, let our Gallant (having paid his half Crown, and given the
Door keeper his Ticket) presently advance himself into the middle of the Pit,
where having made his Honor to the rest of the Company, but especially to the Vizard-Masks,
let him pull out his Comb, and manage his flaxen Wig with all the Grace he can. Having
so done, the next step is to give a hum to the China-Orange-wench, and give
her her own rate for her Oranges (for 'tis below a Gentleman tost and haggling
like a Citizens wife) and then to present the fairest to the next Vizard-mask.
And that I may incourage our Gallant not like the Trades-man to save a shilling,
and so sit but in the Middle-Gallery, let him but consider what large comings in
are pursed up sitting in the Pit.
I. First, A conspicuous Eminence is gotten, by which means the best and most essential
parts of a Gentleman, as his fine Cloaths and Perruke, are perfectly revealed.
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2. By sitting in the Pit, if you be a Knight, you may happily get you a Mistress;
which if you would, I advise you never to be absent when Epsome Wells is plaid:
for,
"We see the Wells have stoln the Vizard-masks away."
Empress of Morocco, in the Prologue.
But if you be but a meer Fleetstreet Gentleman, a Wife: but assure your self,
by your continual residence there, you are the first and principal man in election
to begin the number of We three.
It shall Crown you with rich Commendation, to laugh aloud in the midst of the most
serious and sudden Scene of the terriblest Tragedy, and to let the Clapper
(your Tongue) be tossed so high that all the House may ring of it:
for by talking and laughing, you heap Pelion upon Ossa, Glory upon
Glory: as first, all the eyes in the Galleries will leave walking after the Players,
and only follow you: the most Pedantick Person in the House snatches up your name;
and when he meets you in the Streets, he'l say, He is such a Gallant; and
the people admire you.
Secondly, You publish your temperance to the world, in that you seem not to resort
thither to taste vain Pleasures with an hungry Appetite; but only as a Gentleman
to spend a foolish hour or two, because you can do nothing else.
Now Sir, if the Poet be a fellow that hath Lampoon'd or libelled you,
or hath had a flirt at your Mistress, you shall disgrace him worse than tossing him
in a Blanket, or giving him the Bastinado in a Tavern, if in the middle of the Play
you arise with a skrew'd and discontented face (as if you had the griping in the
Guts) and be gone; and further to vex him, mew at passionate Speeches, blare at merry,
find fault with the Musick, whistle at the Songs, and above all, curse the Sharers,
that whereas the very same day you had bestowed five pounds for an embroidered Belt,
you encounter with the very same on the Stage, when the Belt-maker swore the impression
was new but that morning.
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To conclude, hoard up the finest Play-scraps you can get, upon which your lean Wit
may most savourly feed for want of other stuff; for this is only Furniture for a
Courtier that is but a new Beginner, and is but in his A B C of Complement.
The next places that are filled after the Play houses be emptied, are Taverns.
Into a Tavern let us then march, where the Brains of one Hogshead must be
beaten out to make up another.
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THIS EDITION OF THE GULL'S HORNBOOK
WAS PRINTED BY ALEXANDER MORING
LIMITED AT 298 REGENT STREET
LONDON W MARCH
MDCCCCIV
[40]
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