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APPENDICES

I.÷The first chapter of Dedekind's Grobianus, from the English translation by R.F., published in 1605, under the title of The Schoole of Slovenrie: Or, Cato turned wrong side outward.

What modestie is to be observed each morning in the apparrell, and making the haire, the face, and the teeth cleane.

Whose're thou art that hat'st at heart a Masters crabbed charge,
Which reades a Lecture every day of gravitie at large:
Harke hither, come and heare this man, a man of quiet speech,
No thunder thumping Catonist, you neede him not beseech.
My speech is brode, be rul'd, and then Ile do the best I can,    5
Be rudible, and sure I thinke you'le prove a learned man:
Be but a carefull auditor and scholler unto me,
And then you'le soone excell your Master in simplicitie.
What though some crabbed wittall do not like my precepts well,
Yet they can never hurte you, if you marke all that I tell.    10
When Morpheus, drowsie god of sleepe, from bed doth thee dismisse,
(Which must be just at dinner time, for so my counsell is:)
Thy parents blessing never aske, learne that good point of me,
This is a rule and perfect note of great civilitie.
Good morrow nor good even to friend nor foe impart too fast:    15
If they beginne, repay no thanks, walke on, you are in haste:
What though you both should use, to both you know t'would be but vaine,
Then loose no words for good words past cannot be cal'd againe.
Let fond Hebritians, which account their superstition wealth,    19
Salute their friends, prey for their foes, and aske them of their health:
'Tis vaine to have so great a care of such superfluous things,
This too much care to jocund youth white haires and sorrow brings.

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When you are up, to stretch your selfie deserveth mickle praise:
This is prescrib'd by all that practice phisicke in our daies:
For when your sinews, numb'd with sleepe, cannot performe their worke,    25
This stretching drives away all numbnesse which in them did lurke.
Being out of bed, let it suffice to clothe thee in thy shurt,
To stay to put on all thy clothes, with colde thou mightst thee hurt:
All thy apparrell else get up forth with under thine arme,    29
Then to the chimney corner runne, for there thou maist it warme.
What though a maide or married wife be there before thou come,
Go forward with thy purpose though, as thou wouldst erst have done.
If any man object to thee, that manners thou doost lacke,
Bid him, if he mislike that sight, be gone and shew his backe.
Let every man give place to thee, thy selfe give place to none,    35
What, man! why, Nature made thee free, then boldely hold thine owne.
At length, when thou art well araide, let both thy hose hang downe
About thy heeles, this onely thing will get thee great renowne:
For by this secret meanes the maides will seeke thy love to have,
And every wench thee, for her husband, of her friends will crave.
Your reason, sir! O sir, there is a speciall reason why,    41
I cannot stay to tell it now, I'le tell it by and by.
Simplicitie commands that you forget to trusse your pointes,
Hard tying is an enimie to bellie and to joynts.
Lest some men say you are too hansome, ne'er combe your haire,
As Nature sets it, and bed leaves it, use it so to weare:    46
Leave plaited haires, and curled lockes, unto the female sex,
And let them use to combe their haire, whom cruell love doth vex.
Beleeve me, not a wench unto thee will affection beare,
If she perceive that thou observ'st such nicenesse in thy haire:    50
Who can abide yong men that dresse themselves as female crew,

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A Creetish dame writ to an Amazonian lover true:
'Tis praise and credite to have feathers store upon your head,
For thereby men may well perceive you scorne straw in your bed.
In any case cut not your haire, but let it hang at length,    55
For t'will both keepe away the colde, and argue Sampsons strength.
When father Saturne rulde the world all men did use long haire,
And gloried in it, though now wenches use it most to weare:
Fore fathers plaine simplicitie is prais'd in every place,
Then let not us disdaine to use it, it is no disgrace.    60
Thy face and hands too oft to wash, is cause of mickle hurt,
Therefore (a Gods name) let them both have ever store of durt;
Let other men, that with hands, have care to wash them cleane;
But as for washing of my hands, to take no care I meane.    64
Some nice controuling mate will counsell thee to wash thy teeth;
But I say, water in the mouth not with the health agreeth:
What though your teeth, through o're-much rust, are dide to a red hue?
That is a perfect saffron colour, t'will much credite you.    68
What other colour then this red hath the bright glittering gold,
For which possessions, tenements, lands, lives, and all are sold?
Then thinke not, that golds perfect colour doth your teeth disgrace,
That colour which, in few mens purses, in your teeth hath place.

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